index | archives | notes Thursday, Apr. 18, 2013 8:21 p.m. << [ Bottled Up ] >> So boyfriend asked me to move in a month ago and even though I keep things rosy when everyone asks, what's actually happening is every now and again we fight and he gets so angry he throws things. Never my things, never at me, never hurt me, never would hurt me, but every fucking time it happens I'm instantly six years old again standing in the office watching a beer bottle fly past because some video game dad was playing was too challenging, or someone, intimidated, was unable to produce an answer he liked. I've told boyfriend and he says he's working on it, and he is, and it happens less frequently and less intensely when it does happen, but I don't feel any less six years old and terrified. Six year old me promised never to do this to my kids, and nineteen year old me went to school to learn how not to be an asshole like that around kids, and now twenty-four year old me feels like I'm backing out on what I promised my babies. The last thing I wanted for them was my childhood, and now it's staring me in the face every day I don't give boyfriend an answer re: moving in because I can't I can't I can't not yet. << | x | >> whatiscopyright.org