Saturday, Nov. 16, 2019
4:36 a.m.
<< [ My Favorite Party Stories - Continued ] >>
So one time we're in Vegas. This is back when Lysander's rich stepdad K is still alive, so K decides to show us a night out i.e. get us super drunk. We go to a nice dinner and have many drinks. Then we go to the David Copperfield show, where K continues to send us long island after long island. I remember the Copperfield show being very unimpressive, but I do not remember if it was unimpressive because he genuinely sucks at magic or because I was too drunk to understand the trick.
Either are possible.
So we come out of the show absolutely trashed, and the last thing on our agenda for the night is Go To A Strip Club For the First Time. K and Lysander's mom drop us off at a club on Fremont Street called Glitter Gulch.
Here is where I pause and say it again, slowly, for emphasis: Glitter. Gulch.
Should have been our first clue this would not turn out well.
So we get inside Glitter Gulch and there's a cover charge and a two drink minimum. We order two more long islands each. The last clear memory I have is sitting at a table, talking about which stripper I'm going to get a dance from.
The next clear memory I have is me and Lysander arguing, louder and louder, loud enough to disrupt the other patrons. The bouncers come over and tell us if we don't stop, they will have to kick us out. We stop, they leave, then like thirty seconds later we start arguing again.
To this day, neither of us have any idea what we argued over. Thanks, alcohol.
Anyway, the bouncers come back and say we have to stop. I have stopped yelling at this point, but Lysander continues, and when they say they will remove him he screams "You can't fucking kick me out! I'm a paying customer!"
Incorrect assessment Lysander. They can definitely kick you out. And they do. The bouncers pick him up and escort him outside while I sit in the booth, alone, crying.
A couple of strippers come over while I am crying and they sit with me for a minute. "It's okay," they say, "He's gone now."
"That's really," I say through choking sobs, "not the point."
I cry for a few more minutes then decide to go check on my then-boyfriend. I walk out front, nothing. But I see police cars. I walk around the building and there's my boyfriend, face down, with five officers on top of him and a white net around his head.
"OH MY GOD!" I scream "WHAT are you DOING to HIM! THaT'S My BoyFRIEND!"
This part I slur, both for effect and realism. I am still very drunk at this point.
Of the five cops on top of my boyfriend, one gets up and walks over to me.
"Ma'am." he says. "Ma'am. Is that your boyfriend?"
"YEeeEEsS! WhAT ARe yOU DOING to hIM?"
"Ma'am." He puts his hand up. "I was about to let your boyfriend go. And then he spat on my boss."
I stand there and sob. The cop says, "Okay I need to go back over there, and I need you to stay here, okay?" I nod okay and as soon as the officer tries to walk back to Lysander, I start to walk over too. "But wait," I cry, "What are you DOING to him????"
This continues for maybe ten more minutes, the cop trying to leave me, me following so he has to babysit me. I obviously can't make the remaining four cops get off my boyfriend, but I can keep one busy. So I do.
Eventually they book Lysander and take him away. The cop who has had to babysit me all night tells me the office I need to go to in order to post bail for Lysander. The cop tells me I am in a very vulnerable situation right now, and that I need to call someone to get me right away. He says we are in a bad area and dudes will try to take advantage of me because I'm drunk. I nod through my tears, then he leaves too. It's about two in the morning at this point.
I call the only people I know in Vegas at the time: Lysander's mother. she answers, and can't understand what I'm saying because I'm crying so hard. Lysander's mother hands the phone to K, and I try to explain it to him.
"Amanda, honey," he says, "Stop fucking crying I can't understand what you're saying." I take a deep breath.
"Lysander," deep breath, "andIwereatastripclub," deep breath, "andwegotinafight," deep breath, "andhegotarrestedandidontknowwhattodooooooooo". More sobbing.
"Okay. We're gonna come get you. Then we'll figure it out."
We do. Lysander's mother gets me, and we go to the first address to post bail, except turns out the cop gave me the wrong address. They send us to the right place to post bail, which we do.
Also, fun fact: when you get arrested and released in Vegas, they don't let you out near the police station, or the booking station, or any other intuitive locations. They put everyone on a bus and drive them to the bus depot and release them there "some time in the morning". We go home and sleep for a few hours, then get back up and drive to the bus depot to wait.
Except at the bus depot there is no place for us to park. The signs everywhere specifically say no parking. So me and Lysander's mom just circle the lot and keep circling the lot until a big bus full of men arrives. Lysander gets off, carrying his belt in one hand and a plastic bag full of his phone and wallet in the other. His face is bruised and swollen from where the police mashed it into the cement.
Fast forward to court proceedings: K gets Lysander a lawyer. Lysander is insistent that he did not actually spit on a cop, that cop came over and was an asshole. He asked Lysander questions, then said things like "I wasn't fucking talking to you". Lysander had to spit to get phlegm out of his throat, and the cop interpreted that as assault.
Lawyer tells Lysander the charge can go either way: assault on a cop can be a misdemeanor or a felony depending on which way they want to go with it. But Lawyer says he hasn't received any paperwork, so just wait.
So we just wait.
Months go by, still no paperwork. Lawyer sounds irritated when we call, says he will call us when there's news.
More months go by. Lawyer tells us one time when we call that he heard something about it being filed as a felony, but he has still received no paperwork. He tells us because there's no paperwork, it's possible the cops lost it or forgot about it.
Lawyer tells us this is the best case scenario, and to just keep waiting. He says if paperwork isn't filed, we can just wait and run out the statute of limitations, and then this disappears.
So we wait. And wait. And it's agonizing.
I do research while we wait. I learn the statute of limitations on assault against a police officer is two years. They have two years to prosecute.
We wait two years. We call Lawyer again about a month before the statute runs out and he confirms, still no paperwork.
A few months after the statute is up, when we are looking at visiting Vegas again, we look online to figure out if there are warrants out for his arrest, or charges levied against him.
There aren't. So we're good.
Moral of the story: avoid Glitter Gulch. Also maybe don't down like twenty nine long islands in a night. Also also don't get into arguments at a strip club.