We are oh for one.
You may have experienced this yourselves: boomers do this thing where they think they're entitled to the Grandmother or Grandfather titles just because they had a kid who had a kid. They do this thing where they think they deserve respect because they exist.
So I was going to write: I don't know how to tell her that she is a danger to my child. But that's not quite accurate. It is more accurate to say: I don't know how to tell her again, in a way she will understand, that she is a danger to my child.
Not in the physical way. Mom, for all her sins, wasn't violent. But mom doesn't understand (won't understand? can't understand??) the damage that happens when you tell your little girl she's fat over and over again.
Or, not fat, but chubby. That she needs to run more. That she needs to eat less. That she's a bull in a china shop. That her hair is a rat's nest.
Mom doesn't/won't/can't understand the damage that she causes when she takes you to the doctor, and the doctor agrees more exercise is good, so you go home and you turn on some kidz tunez or whatever and dance around the room and you say "Mommy I'm dancing so hard isn't this good exercise? Isn't this what the doctor said to do?"
And your mom says, "Not like that."
Or the damage that she does when you're seven and you ask her, "Mom would you still love me if I weren't your kid?"
And your mom says, "No, probably not."
Or the damage that she does when you're thirty three and looking back on your memories of her and you can't think of a single time she smiled at you. You can't remember a time she was happy to be your mom. You can't remember a time she enjoyed playing with you, or indeed, played with you at all.
She checked off the boxes. You had food, clothes, water, air. She bought you toys. She showed up to parent teacher conferences on time and she yelled at you when you didn't do your homework.
But she didn't ask you why you were crying all the time. She didn't respond with empathy when you told her your problems, so you stopped telling her. When dad drank too much and went on his rampages, she told you to apologize to him for hitting you.
When you asked for therapy, she said no, "because therapy doesn't work."
I don't know how to tell my mom: sure you can attempt a relationship with your granddaughter, but you need to be a completely different person than you were. Than you are.