Haven't you figured it out by now? Don't you get it? I take care of you because it's an excuse; it's one more way for me to hide from myself. If I'm drowning myself in your problems and your feelings and your thoughts, if I'm trying to anticipate your needs, then I don't have to think about myself. I don't have to think about how I've fucked up my grades and my future and I don't have to think about how alone I am going to be when high school is finished. I don't have to think about how I'm not doing my school work; it's okay, it's acceptable because I'm doing yours, I'm fixing you, and obviously I just don't have time to fix myself.
That's it! That's it right there! If I am always busy with you, then people will naturally assume that this is why I am who I am. But the truth is, I am the way I am, I do what I do because I'm too afraid to do anything else! I don't want to change! I don't want to be better! I want to drown myself in everything around me because god dammit, I'm afraid to breathe!
I hate to see you do this to yourself.