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Sunday, Jan. 15, 2006
10:53 p.m.
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Tiny Veins ] >>

The orange yellow red dots in the distance, glowing, I start to think about the shit that's going on. Some girl who I don't want anything to do with anymore (I find myself constantly choking on her presence like water gone down the wrong way) texts me, saying she's ending it all.

Patron saint of empathy that I am, I ask her to give me my book back. She's had it for a month and she's not even reading it.

Those little lights shimmering out there in the distance, I could believe the city is alive at night. I could believe those roads are tiny veins, the cars tiny blood cells. The city could wake just after the sun sets, stretching and yawning and breathing and vibrant, and I could belong here maybe if I hadn't cut myself off from everything a long time ago.

Me in my car, sharing not even the camaraderie of driving with other people in their cars, all of us speeding towards nothing in particular.

And I think it's a shame he'll never see it, this view, that boy that died. And I think it's a shame that I don't believe in God, because I could really use one or two of those right now.

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