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Sunday, Jan. 22, 2006
8:45 p.m.
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I've been looking at artistic photos of full-figured women for about twenty minutes now, and I still don't know how to feel about it.

I can't understand anyone being so happy, so proud of themselves to pose nude, especially someone that society deems so ugly. Do I think these photos are beautiful? Do I think they're disgusting? If I do think they're disgusting, is it only because I'm angry that my insecurities are being waved in my face? How do I honestly feel about being overweight--do I think that it's alright and that one shouldn't change oneself for others, or do I think that being overweight is just a result of being lazy? Do I think I'm lazy? Do I think I'm ugly? How do I feel about all of this shit? Do I think he'll love me if I lose weight? If I lose weight and he loves me afterwards, was it worth it?

I don't know how I feel about it. How about you?

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