Monday, Aug. 06, 2018
4:14 p.m.
<< [ Forever? For ever ever? ] >>
Sitting with my bridesmaids in my room, hair in curlers, trying to step over my almost-husband's hair clippings. Pouring everyone mimosas, drinking none of them. Selfie in the car. Paying for our parking and the babysitter's parking behind us. Our babysitter stepping out of the car in a short red dress and red lipstick, looking incredible.
Arriving to the ceremony site only to be told almost-husband is running late because he knelt on the ground and the ground was wet and now his suit had a big wet stain. Standing on the bridge. Photographers telling me that I was going to tap his shoulder but he couldn't look yet. Holding his pinky with mine. Husband turning around and crying.
Walking down the aisle to a string quartet cover of "Such Great Heights". Reading our own vows. My little brother officiating, then crying, despite being the family stoic. Walking back down the aisle as husband and wife to "Alive With the Glory of Love". Drinks. Standing on rocks. Portraits.
I held a picture of my nana in my arms, tattoo showing. The photographer started to cry, then tried to push through it, and I told her no come here, talk to me, do you need a hug? Her grandmother had just died too so she understood.
Friends and family stepping up to help clean up the site, and set up the reception. Our favorite restaurant decorated to perfection when we arrived, a clusterfuck trying to sort out drink and meal tickets, then being pulled in every direction trying to talk to every out of town person there. Ordering long islands from our favorite bartender and being told they were on the house, because of course they weren't going to charge me on my wedding day. Shots of Glenlivet with my best friend's husband, biting my tongue because he has been such an asshole to her lately.
Lost my phone, found my phone, applause from everyone as I found my phone, then sneaking off for sunset pictures up on the ridge. My husband and photographer holding me up so I could stand atop a rickety wooden fence post in my wedding dress.
My husband. My husband laughing and holding me and letting me go as needed.
Driving back with the photographer and having her gush over the details. "This is such a labor of love", she said, and she made a note of the build-a-bear that looks like me, the groomsma'am flask we go for a female mutual friend who walked on husband's side, the engagement photo we had blown up to cover the shitty beer mural at the restaurant we love.
Tequila shots with our babysitter. Eating a cupcake with my husband. Another shot with babysitter. Telling the babysitter she is sooooo gorgeous and thanking her for being babysitter-slash-day-of-wedding-coordinator. My maid (matron, but I hate that) of honor pulling me aside to tell me that we are responsible for what we have tamed. Me crying, again.
Dancing with my dad to "Just the Two of Us" despite being adamant that I did not want a big public first dance thing. Dancing with husband's cousins. Chatting with husband's family about Christmas eve. Talking to my new brother in law about how yes babysitter is hot but she has a boyfriend so tread carefully. Talking to babysitter about how brother in law is one night stand material, not relationship material. Another shot with babysitter, then selfies with babysitter. Babysitter announcing "you said I could crash in your room after drinking so that's what we are doing!"
More shots in our room, then brother in law trying to hook up with babysitter, then babysitter and I walking and discussing past trauma and scars. Another long look as I told her she was so fucking pretty and by the way I'm bisexual and allowed to fool around with girls. Heads up.
Walking back to hotel room and babysitter sitting on my lap. Brother in law pouting, then announcing he was going to go bed. Babysitter on top of me, kissing me and pulling my hair immediately after.
Happily ever after.