I mean, I always tried to take as many opportunities as possible with him because I knew he'd be gone in one way or another someday.
But I regret just the same.
I'm never going to get to show him the stupid shoes I bought on a whim today. I'm never going to get to jump into puddles with him, or skip fifth period with him like he said we would once he stopped failing that class.
I'm not going to get to write him stupid depressing notes anymore. I can't get all happy after sixth period because he isn't going to be there anymore.
I won't get to wait for him in the morning and pretend that I wasn't waiting for him.
I won't get to hug him like he hates. I won't get to get angry at him for calling me kiddo. I won't ever get to melt down in front of him again, sobbing and screaming, like last year.
I won't be able to turn to him and make mean comments about stupid people that we hate.
It's all gone now. The stupid notes with the drawings all over them and the sidebar conversations and the lingering after the bell rung just so we would all be together still.
And it's fucking depressing, but I guess that's okay.
Becuase I think I'm fucking depressed.