We get inside when I realize the mistake I've made. I confused the name of one local restaurant for another, and we're somewhere I don't want to be. Earlier I mentioned I was feeling sick, so when I tell them I don't want to be here, they think I am being dramatic.
When we get outside, mother seems okay with it. It's a mistake she's made in the past. Dad, however, is pissed.
"I don't understand," he says, "how we got all the way over here without you noticing."
"It was a mistake," I say. "I wasn't paying attention. I'm sorry."
"Yeah," he says.
In the car, he starts complaining to mother. They're in the front and I'm in the back, so he thinks I can't hear. I can. And I start to cry.
I don't really want to cry. I wanted to go out for dinner, maybe talk to my parents. Today was the last day of school and after my best friend was a dick, I decided I can't do it anymore and tried to sever the connection. I really did try so hard to just have a good time.
After I start crying, all dad can do is mock me. "Boo hoo hoo," he says. Mom asks what I want.
"I want dad to not be mad at me," I say, still in tears and trying not to. I can feel my face contorting, I am a sideshow version of myself.
"What do you say, can we get past this?" my mom asks him.
"I don't see why I'm being blamed for this," and, "If I open my mouth now it will just get me into more shit," those are his rationalizations.
I stay with my best friend because I'm still a little girl seeking my dad's approval. They're the same, so if I win one, I win both. Thing is, I'll never win.
I just wanted them to not be mad at me.