Thursday, Nov. 19, 2009
9:59 a.m.
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I have a little girl in my first class of the afternoon who can swim in the deep end, has swam in the deep end, but refuses to. She's not afraid. She's not unable to do it. She just doesn't want to. That's when the tantrums start.
I do not respond to tantrums. I do not negotiate with tantrums (terrorists?) and I do not reward them. When she starts to throw a fit, I sit her outside the pool and I tell her, "you can come back in when you are ready to swim. It is your choice." I have never had a parent actively undermine that policy until now.
This girl is used to getting her way. She throws temper tantrums because every time, without fail, her mother will come out and give her what she wants. She is being rewarded for her temper tantrums, and the mother can't see that.
On Monday, the same thing happened. I set her out, and she cried and stomped, and I motioned for the mother to stay back. Fifteen minutes into the tantrum the mother walked out of sight, the girl stopped crying, came back in the pool, and did exactly what I asked her to. Monday was a success. If the mother had walked away yesterday, too, that would have been the end of the issues. Now it's going to take longer, possibly until the end of the session to get rid of the tantrums.
It just makes me so angry. I know it's difficult to see your precious little baby having a fit, but when you reward her bad behavior, you are not doing her any favors. What happens when she's sixteen and begging for a lexus? Thirty and begging for a castle? Forty five and begging for your inheritance? Are you going to roll over and die because it's what your precious little baby wants?
It just makes me so angry.