Wednesday, Nov. 30, 2011
7:33 p.m.
<< [ Biggest Enabler ] >>
Universe: Dude I'm so sorry. But to make it a little better, here, no one will be hurt.
Me: UM EXCUSE ME I HAVE A BRUISE.
Universe: Yeah but you look totally hardcore with it.
Me: I guess you're right. I can tell people I stopped a mugging or something.
Universe: There you go! Oh and your car will be just fine. Not totaled or anything, even though I could have done that to you really easily.
Me: Good, because you know I love that car.
Universe: I know. Hey, to super cheer you up, guess what?
Me: What?
Universe: Your dad doesn't for realsies have cancer! Surprise! It was just a lump. He'll be fine.
Me: You're right! I do feel way better!
Universe: Plus the accident was good for you anyway. Your and your ex are on better terms now, yeah?
Me: I guess.
Universe: You're welcome!
Me: Haha, thanks Universe. You think of everything.
Universe: That's not all! You mentioned feeling needy and unloved--guess what! Your best friend just re-emerged from the woodwork! You'll always be best friends no matter what crazy shit happens or how long you don't talk.
Me: That's actually really comforting.
Universe: Plus we'll send you your other best friend that you haven't seen in a year. We'll give her to you for a whole week!
Me: YAY! I never get to see her!
Universe: I know! That's why I'm doing this!
Me: You're so great, Universe. Jeez. I can't wait to see her again!
Universe: Yeah it's gonna be pretty awesome. I just love you so much Amanda.
Me: I love you too, Universe.