index | archives | notes Thursday, Jul. 29, 2004 6:55 p.m. << [ Where's the Fucking Fire? ] >> During the last week, I have, for the most part, isolated myself from anyone not of the utmost importance or necessity to me. The only opportunities I have had for human contact have been home and summer school. At home, I sit in my room and play soft music, and either sleep or pretend to sleep. At school, I do not speak to anyone in my classes. I write notes to my one friend and leave almost immediately after to avoid having to speak. Any random people that would talk to me are discouraged from doing so by the black I have been wearing. After a week of brooding, and after an especially intense session for the last two days... since Tuesday night... I have come to the conclusion that this is unimportant, and that I have no reason to be withdrawing. So what if my thirteen year old childhood friend gave head? That's her business. Why the fuck would it affect me? Kids do that all the time. Shut the fuck up, Amanda. Stop whining. Go back to being the ever-present childlike creature you were before. Go back to being available at all hours for when people need you. Cut out this isolation crap and get the fuck over yourself. Hrgh. Numb. It takes too much effort to hit the keys properly anymore. I just want out. I said I would not be disappointed if he didn't call. This was another lie. I'm just trying not to be so fucking dependant. << | x | >> whatiscopyright.org