"Are you signed up for dancing? No? Let's sign you up."
"...Kay."
So there are two lines of girls, five in front, five in back, and we are to perform the dance twice, once in front, and once in back. I'm in the back row the first time, and I manage to keep up because I can watch the others.
Then we switch.
I look at the choreographer.
"Fuck, do we really have to do this again?"
"Yep." She smiles and nods sympathetically.
"Can I just hang myself instead?"
The audience laughs.
"No, really, that will be my dance. I'll just sort of swing back and forth in time with the music."
A boy from the audience calls out.
"We love you, Amanda!"
Some cheers.
"I'll hang you next, Alex!"
I shake my fist at him, and the drama teacher/director/Big Bad Guy Picking People for the Musical cracks up. The audience starts applauding and cheering.
"Shut up! God dammit!"
And then the music starts.
Me, I'm laughing the whole way through. I'm off beat, I'm missing jumps and twirls and leaps, and at two points in the dance I forget that I'm supposed to be doing shit and I just stand there.
When it's over, I bury my head in my hands, and for a moment I'm disappointed in myself.
I talk to myself inside my head. I did my best, I say. I didn't make the musical, but that's alright. I'm not a musical sort of person, and it isn't my thing.
Plus, the story I get to tell my children is totally worth it.
Think about it.
I'm the girl that fucking threatened to hang herself during her school musical auditions.